dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sober January is a disaster.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
