I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize