no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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