So drunk its hurt
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
