I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
