if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
