he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
