So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
