He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
