i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
