My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
