When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
