when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
