What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
