His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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