you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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