oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
