So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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