Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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