Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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