im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
