I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize