My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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