I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
