I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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