who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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