i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
