I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
