so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize