his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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