the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
