She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
