the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
