I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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