My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
