Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
