FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
