I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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