perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
