1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize