Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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