The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
