Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
