Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I need moral support for this bender
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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