I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
