Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
that may or may not have been my penis.
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