My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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