Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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