how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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