bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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