look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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