apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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