I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
