so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize