after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
