well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
