Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
