there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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