I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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