I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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