I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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