Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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