im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my being single is dangerous.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
