So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
