tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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