too bad you live with your parents still
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
