spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and she was petting her beer can
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
