not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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