it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
