A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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