After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize