Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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