If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
