I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
