i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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