you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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