Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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