My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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