Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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